The beauty of love

I am so deeply in love at times that I feel like my body is swimming effortlessly in a clear blue lake and without warning I can be plucked from the water and thrown into quicksand feeling helpless and angry.

Sometimes I smile because I am reminded of one of the many things I love about another person or place. I smile as if there is a camera crew filming and the director will add a simple yet touching monologue over the shot. 

My love for some people has had me hunting down Stitch dolls, digging through clearance racks for cute tops, sitting for hours next to a hospital bed, moving across the country, finding a way to cover up an ugly tissue box with another box over that box, and crying in bed.

Love isn't always happy or exciting, at least for me. Sometimes love is hard and depressing and stressful. I want the people that I love to thrive in life but I can't force them to do so.

My love is my own. There are a few people that I have loved for decades and then there are those that come into my life and only stay a few years. Both types are special and meaningful. Regret is not something I can associate with love.

Love is in the moment. Love is beautiful when other people can see it and feel your adoration for another being in the air.

Everyone has written about love and they were all right no matter what they said(assuming it referred to healthy relationships). Maybe next week I won't feel the same way about love as I do today. My mood is stable but feelings they do as they please.

The beauty of love is that it cannot be understood. 

24ct Golden Rule

This is going to sound judgmental but not in the condemning you sort of way. You are doing life wrong if your choices are constantly harming others. Yes, you should put your needs(emotional, physical or financial) first but you should also make sure you aren't seriously fucking over others while you do it.

You don't need to spread that rumor just so someone will listen to you for two minutes. You can hold the elevator door even if you are running late and don't want to stop at every floor on the way up. The person working in a shitty customer service position didn't say 'hello' or 'thank you' or they forgot the ketchup but you don't have to complain to the manager.

How about we all try a little harder to be nice to others? Have the waiter box your leftovers and give them to a homeless person. Open a door for anyone, especially people in wheelchairs or with a stroller or with a neckbeard. Pick up after your damn self at a restaurant, stack your plates neatly or clear your table if it's that kind of place.

Basically, don't be a fucking douche nozzle. Life doesn't have to suck, we make it that way.

Ch-ch-ch changes

Life happens; it has a way of doing that, getting in the way of what we want to focus on. I've been working more, exploring my options at both my employers. I'm still very lost on my path for a future.

I moved at the beginning of the year and will likely never be fully unpacked. The apartment looks better than this but not by much. I feel very off living in such a crowded space. My stuff needs to be in its place for me to feel at home. I think this is starting to cause tension in my life, I feel stressed but I don't know how to get it all done. Many of things that need to find a place to live in the apartment are not mine. I struggle with how to move around someone else's things.

Of course I also have serious issues with how to bring this up without sounding like a bitch. So, I'm just trying to wait it out. Waiting it out doesn't work too well in this situation.

New hair(not really, same hairs with new color)

The hairs on my head are shorter and lighter now. I'm enjoying it, although I don't think my level of fun has increased significantly. 

Perhaps I'll make another post within in the next 90 days. 

treatment options

I've been reading House of Cards by Robin Dawes and I'm finding it helpful in my approach to working with emotional disturbed and mentally ill children. The book catalogs practices in psychology that were incredibly harmful to the patient and professionals trying to do the best for others without really considering how they might feel if the tables were turned. The major treatment that is widely spoken ill of now is the wonderful lobotomy. Doctors 60 years ago were convinced it was a great treatment for hopeless cases, being people that did not show signs of improvement after six months of other treatment at the hospital including ice baths, isolation, dangerous medications and shock treatment.
There are of course other treatments and practices that do not help patients or humans in general but I don't need to write about all of them because the practice itself isn't the issue I am taking. Sometimes I feel like mental health professionals sometimes forget the golden rule. Do unto others blah blah blah. 

If you had a rough week, month or year would you want people running around saying they know how to fix it and you then trust them because they are professionals but then they help you lock yourself in a hospital where you have close to no privacy and limited contact with your life? Some people need to be inpatient to improve while most people do not. Locking 'crazy' people up is still a common practice, especially for children.

Many times at work I see kids in rough situations with other staff and think about how I would feel as that kid. As a kid that doesn't get to watch TV without being 'on task' throughout the day, or choose nearly anything about their meals, or spend time alone in a way of their choosing. It would suck, a lot. No wonder they threw their plate when it was chicken on Tuesday again or had a tantrum when they were scolded for sitting on the floor reading in their room when they should be on their bed.

In general I think that anyone that works with kids should consider how they would like to be treated in that position. Instead of pulling out the "I'm an adult" card.

Fuck being an adult. Being an adult just means you have a few years under your belt not that you have some magical insight on life.

Diamonds are forever and expensive and non transferrable

There are just so many problems with diamonds. Perhaps I should list them? Should I list what I view as most important first and so on or from production to purchase to death? Or should I list them reverse alphabetically? So I was really going to write about diamonds but now I'm wondering why there are so many ways, relevant and not, to listing ideas or whatnot. Hmmm. How about whatever order they come to mind in.

A bunch of reasons that Diamonds suck:

• Diamonds cost roughly 2 months salary

• They also cost the lives of innocent miners trying to feed their family

• Diamonds are a pain in the rectum to shop for

• They serve literally no purpose

• Diamonds are like dicks for women, bigger is better but shape still matters

• One cannot easily sell a diamond or regift it

• They are easy to misplace and therefore cause minor heart attacks without need

• Diamonds get caught on random things or scratch people

• They create the impression that women are like small children; look shiny!

Of course marriage and often love requires the gifting of diamonds. The dark under belly of all of this is that women end up with a small box of jewelry that they cannot wear anymore because it was a gift from a past lover; they cannot sell it because parting with a necklace that symbolizes your life with someone for 3 years for $75 just doesn't seem right. 

After three years of hiding a promise ring at a friend's house and keeping it tucked away in a box inside a box in my bedroom I finally found a person that I could reasonably give the ring to. After I gave this ring away for good it seemed like a burden was lifted from my shoulders and I could finally put so many things in the past where they belong. Other pieces of jewelry have not come to such an end yet and I have no idea how or when that may even happen. 

All of the above still being true, I want more shiny jewelry. Now.